A Mother, Family & Friends

A few years back, I went to the Taman Tun market with my Mother to accompany her on a trip to get fresh meat, seafood and some wet items. Something which at that time, I have not done in a very long time. Little that I knew, on the main isle next to the escalator is a store selling fresh flowers. The array of colours were the first to grab my attention, next was the beautiful smell of fresh flowers, third was definitely the Chinese Auntie's voice calling me to come take a look. I am so sure she knew I had that spark of intention to get some.

Well obviously, a few minutes later I was already sold to the idea of getting flowers. I then bought this huge bouquet intended for someone special. Suddenly Mom came next to me at the store and she said "Wow, you must really like this girl!". Then in a split second, it suddenly dawned upon me that I might have hurt my mother so I bought two that day. I was so eager to impress and present a bouquet to a girl that I have only known for a short time. Without realising, I have forgotten whom should I put my top priority. 

Fast forward to today, I just safely arrived back home from Cameron Highlands with some close friends and I bought just one bouquet this time. Specially for my Mother. It's not as big as the one I had bought before due to certain circumstances but I have learned that it's the thought that counts. I also realised that my Father randomly does that too. Some random days, he would just buy flowers for Mom when he comes back home from work so I am just following a good thing that he does. 

Back to this Cameron trip and the photo, what I loved most about the trip were the conversations. Conversation topic that ranges between family, friends, the challenges in life, overcoming them, tackling them and becoming a fighter. This was only made possible as the trip had 3 young ladies and then it was me. I was the youngest in the group and there was just so much that I learned throughout the trip from them. Amongst the biggest lesson I learned was that love is a by product of sweat, tears and a lot of hard work. 

If being put on a scale of priorities and values, my Mother is a person whom I obey, trust and love. The person whom I must put as my top most priority. Even if it can be really challenging if not the most challenging one of all, I must try my very best to be a better son as days go by. However, it is not a competition, never was and never will. I do it just because I want to be a better son to her than whom I was yesterday. Why I do it? Simply because a Mother's doa is the most meaningful intangible asset for me as a Man.

As a young adult I do admit that whenever I see my peers or even other family members having a good time with their own family, I get that buzzinga feeling deep down inside. Ya Allah, when will it be my turn? When will you trust me to start a family of my own? I just can't help myself to feel and ask these questions to myself. But then that flower bouquet moment a few years back with my Mother just comes crossing rapidly in my mind. The moment when I put others first before her. Then I am pulled back on my two feet.

That was when I had it wrong. If I can't even obey, trust and love my Mother who is here and present, how in the world would I ever be able to even come close to do it for another person. What more to obey, trust and love God, His Messenger and Messengers. Hence nowadays, every time I do something, I will try my very best to do it out of love instead of thinking what's in it for me. So I guess love is when you do things just because. It's like the Korean word 그냥 , (pronounced as "kenyang"). If it hurts, man up and be a fighter in this fast moving world we live in today.

In the words of God, "Obey God and obey The Messenger and obey those with authority amongst you." Apart from my Mother, I might also have wronged certain family and friends who are with authority amongst me today or in the past. There is not a day that I do not think about it. Some of which might even be literally costly and caused a huge setback in my life. Do I blame them? Well I am only human, at first it seemed like the most bitter pill to swallow. However when you truly ponder on it, I caused it and God allowed it. There must be some good in it.

Therefore I would like to take this opportunity to sincerely apologise to my family and friends whom I might have hurt in the past. Aku mintak ampun dan maaf, mintak halalkanlah segala makan, minum, ilmu, pengalaman dan pengajaran yang telah anda semua berikan. Without every single one of you, I never would have been where I am at today. I treasure it all and I hold dearly to each and everyone. But if it's money, please do let me know. I might not be able to pay a lump sum immediately, but I will definitely put it onto my list of things I need to amend, pay or settle. 

Throughout my life, people address me in many different ways. School friends call me Que, family calls me Shaf, my Korean friends call me Danial and a few more with different groups of people. But a common phrase especially with those quite familiar with me is "Que memang Babi". I tend to be late for gatherings or sometimes I don't appear at all, I sometimes give the most annoying comments at the worst of times and in the most bizzare manner ever, and worst of all at times I also give out promises that I just can't keep. All of which I am trying my very best to amend and patch up the pieces. 

Change might be the only constant throughout our life and it is also the toughest of them all. Every day is a painful day if you are adapting to change and fixing your life. But I can't quit can I? I can't stop something I have started, especially if it is for a good cause and towards a better me. Honestly, I think I have started on this journey for quite some time now but if it's just my imagination of a better me, then Day One is today. A truly close friend of mine always reminds me of this saying, "it's Day One or One Day."

Those who pushes you to be a better you, keep them. These are rare treasures I tell you. And in my life now, at this very moment, I believe that my Mother, my Family and my Friends are my rezeki that I hold on to dearly. Thank you everyone and thank you for everything. At times, communicating a message, I do it better in writing than talking. It gives me time to process and think wisely of the things that comes out of my mouth. So this is the reason why I have been away lately. It's just a phase and I hope those who care, can try to accept and respect my change too.

From the bottom of my heart and lots of Love, 

Shaf, Que, Danial, SD, Capik, Shafique, 

Shafique Danial Johari. 

P/S: I just did my test and Alhamdulillah it was -ve. Grateful for even the smallest blessings in life 😊