Dear brothers of mine, lately I have chosen to be a man of few words, or at least aspiring to become more of one by the day. Because most men that I look up to are usually men of few words.
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To those who somehow knew I wasn’t doing very well, thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all those kind words, and the time and energy spent towards me. Even I know I’m difficult at times, so what more a person trying to talk to me. It might have been tiring, therefore I sincerely appreciate each and every bit of it. And I hope we can hold on to that frienship for an even longer time more.
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To those, especially those whom; after reading my introduction and 1st paragraph but still feels like this is total bullshit, especially coming from a person like him! Well, I probably have done something wrong to you somewhere, somehow in the past. The thought of reminiscing what I could have done to hurt you unintentionally sends chills to the deepest parts of my bone, what more intentionally. I, Shafique Danial, sincerely apologize to you. If it’s money, please do let me know. If it’s more than money, remember, we can talk. But just because a man can, doesn't mean a man will. Just because a man will, doesn't mean a man will everytime, And just because a man will everytime do things that makes another human go crazy, doesn't mean he is not crazily thinking of you everytime. Idk if I'm arranging my words properly, it's just my weakness. That it is a disgrace thinking back how I have once thought of arranging musics. Or maybe that is why people write music? That is why people do art? So does that mean that to those who reciprocally appreciate and understand what the messenger is trying to say will value it? And those who know inside stories on a piece of art would probably like the saying goes "die for it". Well at least that's why Taj Mahal is stil MAHAL until today right? So maybe I am right, but what would I know? I'm no artist, what more a music composer. I'm just a guy who likes to talk and talk is cheap. But what I do know is that "Communication is ART". So reliving a childhood dream, I wish for this post to be seen even by the blind who lost their "nikmat" to see and to be felt by those who are at this very moment lying on hospital beds anywhere around the world battling this duniya full of hipocracy and illness. May God show us the way, and may Our Messenger lead the way.
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To those who know me well but have not worked with me and also to those who have worked with me but doesn’t know me that well, I am grateful that you 2 groups of people never had a chance to intertwine much in the past. However things have been changing more and more by the year, and recently at quite a steeper curve, so I had to distinguish the critical situation immediately like how The Government is distinguishing the Kofid curve back down closer to a 180• . Failure to that, I shall just permanently be a dot in a person's life to some, and recently the "some" has just been upgraded to "some that I care". Anyways, back to the point of approach of the best way to aplogise is to be honest, come forward and move forward. So Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim, this is mine.
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On the other opposite end of the spectrum however, I am quite confident that I have done at least some good to some people. If you are that person, a person whom throughtout your life so far, there was at least a 1 time when I actually did give value in your life or even made you smile, please bare with me, please hear me out? If I have once made you smile, I ask for your kindness to hold on to that memory. Grasp on it firmly! Remind yourself of that memory everytime you feel like giving up on reading this post. For one yes I admit I need attention, but that's not the point. The point is that there are a lot more people in the world that needs your attention, yes you. The one reading it. The World is sick, I hope people would pay more attention and go another mile to pay more attention to the right things. Succeeding this, they would get both more attention from God and bonus, the people. With that, and as a reminder before you continue reading my dusty blog (who TF does blog now? Lame!) But don't say I didn't warn you, don't say I didn't warn you I am a hazard symbol. Read with CARE.
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Adik-adik ku et al.
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Mana yang baik jadikan tauladan, mana yang buruk, janganlah diikutkan and from the choice of my words, from the tone of my language and from the length of my entree despite whatever I said about being a man of few words plus the fact that the photo and this long ass ranting doesn’t relate at all butttt … you know I mean business.
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The post is no where near perfect and yes I might have done some reading to improve and accurately, precisely, gently hitting those deep deep rooted parts of our hearts, but, it was just because I wanted forgiveness. Something so lightweight at words but ginormous to carry hence a sensation in the heart. Kita cuma manusia dan kalau tidak banyak, sikit, memaafkan itu pasti menyakitkan. And I never in a million years would want to intentionally or unintentionally hurt or try to hurt people I care, apatah lagi kalau people I care more, apatah lagi people I care most.
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Anyways, this whole writing mood came because I am just nervous to start new things at the office on Thvrsday. Finally a much needed breather since February 2020. The way of my post, the timing, everything about it might make me look like an idiot and yes I admit to some people I might have been literary an idiot, but trust me, I am an idiot that thinks. And how this post may have been read and felt by so many people, friends and family from across the world yet not one person will have the exact same feeling and memory proves that I am an idiot that thinks.
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However an idiot that thinks can either be a horrible nightmare or your sweetest dreams. Haaiihh dah laa, even I am tired of my own writing and ranting. I need to sleep, I’ve gotta wake up early for work tomorrow. Boss dah kata, lambat dikira tidak hadir. Matilanak, gaji dah laa kecik ciput, kena potong lagi tiap kali tak hadir, so nak makan apa esok? Grab pun grab laa, asalkan rezeki halal. Tapi nanti orang yang sayang kita pulak risau? Aaaa sudah bila nak habis ni?
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Jaapp jaaap satu laagii nak bagi tau pasal grab pulak adik adik ku, tapii, eh, tapi, eh takpelaah, nanti lah tulis lagi. I SERIOUSLY NEED TO WAKE UP EARLY FOR WORK TOMORROW! Bleerrrgghhh 😱 OOOooo ssshhiittttt,
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Eheeemmmm, dear readers, if you are still reading up till this very sentence then the assumptions and questions to whom this crazy writer might really be behind these roller coaster topsy turvy typical abang abang tone and language seriously varies depending on two things. First is how do you address me, commonly there are 5. From my full name, SHAFIQUE DANIAL JOHARI, to Shafique, Shaf, Que, Danial & (if you didn't count my full name as 1 or if you are Korean) I've also had people address me as everything. Just for your info, Koreans do not address those familiar and close to them with their full name.
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So it depends on why you met me? how you met me? where you met me? when you met me? how long have you known me? More importantly how close were you with me? Tepuk dada tanya selera. In Malaysia, the word “abang” to certain extends can mean the head of the gang, whilst in Korea, Oppa is Abang. Hmm wait a minute, hmmm I definitely have more Korean friends that the majority of Malaysians especially the Malaysian K-POP fans, soooo does that mean if a random Korean girl reads this, finds it sweet, they’ll call me Oppa Oppa? ENOUGH SHAFIQUE ENOUGH! CUKUP SHAFIQUE DANIAL! Ini cerita cinta ke, cerita adik beradik ke, cerita family ke? Surat bapak kepada anak ke? kenapa eja perkataan macam tu? Kenapa itu? Kenapa ini? Kenapa? Kenapa? Kenapaaaaa??!!
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Meanwhile back in Malaysia on a cold, dark Sunday night, and slowly coming back to my original photo on instagram, (yeesssssssss, of course ada kaitan bitchesss) and yes men do overthink okay, men do have emotions, more importantly men do get hurt at times. Namun anak anak Adam AS yang membaca sekalian, jatuh sekali bukan bermakna jatuh selama-lamanya, gagal sekali bukan bermakna gagal selamanya, penipu sekali bukan bermakna penipu selamanya, bodoh sekali bukan bodoh selamanya, tapi ingat, pandai sekali bukan pandai selamanya jika kita selesa dengan ilmu yang ada, bijak sekali bukan bijak selamanya jika tidak diamalkan, kaya sekali bukan kaya selamanya jika tidak diinfaqkan. And Alhamdulillah for once now I definitely know and fully understand the way of life.
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However I am flawed, I am a misfit, I am definitely far from being perfect. Why? Because you and me, like those other reading this as well whom I hold most dearly, we are humans. Fullstop. And as a Muslim, segala yang tercantik, paling sempurna dan segala kebaikan di langit dan bumi milik Allah SWT and to HIM alone we pray and seek guidance. Fitrah manusia kita untuk cacat, untuk lemah, sakit, jatuh. It’s okay not to be okay.
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So from everything that you have been reading, whatever emotions that you are feeling right now, at this very moment, on this very date and time, might also be different so it depends. However what I know, and I can control at this particular moment in time is that it is pass 3am in the morning but the anxiety towards a big change this Thvrsday is putting a stick between my eyelids. However the depression thinking of my failures, the wrongdoings I did, the people I’ve hurt and the tip most depressing feeling right this very moment is thinking of how more shitty a blue shit can be on a first day of working week on monday be when they say “monday blues” especially when we hate our work and everything that comes with it. Namun kesibukan, kebabian, ke segala macam taikkan itu pun kita rindu di zaman zaman Kofid ini. Nasib baik bujang dan belum ada rezeki anak. Anggaplah itu pun rezeki dari Allah, kalau tidak acano nak bagi makan dik oi. Haaihh letih laa fikir, apa apa pun yes I might be a little complicated.
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Tapi ingat lah adik adik, perasaan-perasaan dunia kerja ini belum lagi kamu rasai sepuhnya dalam fasa yang lama seperti aku adik. Ini pun aku belum cukup lama! Jaaaauuhhh lagi ramai orang orang tua yang dah rasa semua kepenatan tu adik adik jadi hargai laah orang orang yang kita sayang sebelum mereka pergi. Ingat, dunia ni sementara je, tempat singgah, tempat berbakti dengan tanah dan jika diizinkan Allah, kita dapat menuai hasilnya kelak. Tambah musim musim Kofid ni, mana boleh singgah R&R lama lama, nanti you’ll have to pay a bigger price. Itu laa dunia akhir zaman adik adik, it’s all about the price, it’s all about the prize. Mereka lupa.
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So tell people whom you think cares for you that you love them once a while, check on them once in a while. My own brother even wished for my recent 28th birthday, for me to be less complicated. Understanding myself better now, it was no wonder that to some I was just, crazy. Nevertheless trust me, I, am, trying to be less complicated. Thank you brother, I guess your prayer during my birthday is finally coming true. Doa dimakbulkan, in shaa Allah kerana doa itu doa dari orang yang beriman. Thanks adik-adik ku, I’m sorry I might have been mean but akhirnya like we always say kita kena accept. I have accepted that I am the eldest and accepted the load that comes together with it. So all I ask from you is your complete forgiveness and for us to start over a new leaf.
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Just trust me when I say cooking a delicious all natural ingredient tomyam without any cube or paste, is one of the toughest dishes I've cooked. Trust is what we want to build again, trust is one gem we once held in our hands but now slowly dissappering, TRUST is all it takes to love.
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I love you,
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6.15am, 28th June 2021.
P/S: I have put thoughts, calculated and vetted through this piece time over time before posting. This post feels like an idiot crying but almost every word, structure, the dots, the crosses, the spelling was intended but I mean well. And Thvrsday yes, just because we can’t lepak at shops anymore like the other countries are enjoying at moment, oh well 🥲
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